Thursday, May 18, 2000

I have a million things to do. I should be working on a take home final that has to be turned in sometime tomorrow. I should be cleaning up my room and getting ready to pack. I should be making a phone call, to see if I'll have a job over the summer. I should be more responsible. I should be a better student. I should be a better person.

I should...I should...I should...

I need to write. So much has happened recently that I feel as if a sledgehammer has hit me. There are so many things that are still to happen. If I don't say something, it'll drive me insane.

I've been working all week. I was called in to substitute Monday and Wednesday in the dinning hall. I won't have to work tomorrow, however. This is good, because I plan on packing (and doing a take home final that I'm not doing right now).

Hopefully I'll be working in the same place at the same time next semester. My schedule permits it. Also, the staff there seems to want me to come back next semester and I'm willing.

I actually enjoy my work there. Sure, it's not my life's aspiration to work in a dinning hall, but as for right now I'm content. A paycheck is a nice thing - I am not one to refuse a regular source of income generally.

There are also the little perks that one isn't told about when applying.

Up until reading an entry on Swerdloff Dot Com, I had never heard the term "gripping stranger." I knew what one was, and had my share of gripping strangers, but I had never placed a name to the phenomenon.

There is a girl who comes into my dinning hall on a regular basis. She is very beautiful - at least I think so (Goth #1 agreed with me when I pointed her out). She's voluptuous; very curvy, which I find quite sexy. She also has long, straight brown hair and usually wears clothing that shows off enough of her figure, but leaves the right amount to one's imagination. She carries herself beautifully, therefore making herself more attractive.

Not that I would ever say this to her face. It's not good to hit on customers. Besides, what do I know about her aside from that she's incredibly beautiful? A gripping stranger is all she will ever be.

Speaking of which, I think that there are actually three Goths on the S.U.N.Y. Potsdam campus. Not that I can be 100% sure without speaking to the person I saw Monday night though.

I was having dinner in the dinning hall, when a girl walked in. My eyes did not leave her image the whole time she was in the hall.

She had raven hair, styled a little like Robert Smith's. Her face and skin were pale, as white as you can possibly get really, without being albino. The clothing was black and fashionable, with appropriate jewelry. I looked towards her feet and I saw...boots!

So yes I was excited. Of course I found her attractive. I'm not even going to try to talk to her though. This goes back to that whole thing where I don't even know her name, and it would do no good for me (a stranger) to go up to her and become friendly.

Even of my life did cross with hers and I had the opportunity to talk to her, at this point I would think very hard about it before doing it. After Billie Jo, the British Goth Chick and Goth #2, the last thing I want is to become infatuated with another Goth girl. My track record with Goth girls is so dead that it could be gothic. Strangely enough, it doesn't stop me from being incredibly attracted to them - like a moth to a fucking flame.

So, I leave the possible third Goth on campus alone. Maybe she'll come to me (HA! Not fucking likely!).

While I'm on the subject of Goths, I'd like to point out that I've never met a male Goth. It's as if the populace of darklings around here became skewed somehow. All the Goths I've ever met in Northern New York have been female. I know male Goths exist, I've just never seen one in the flesh.

I feel a little deprived in my experiences now.

I have begun my duties as music director at WAIH. My first official act was to redo the playlist. Have you ever seen a playlist get gutted? It's a beautiful sight. In any case, what I've done is to make it so our college radio station at S.U.N.Y. Potsdam is now up to date musically and on the same wavelength as the nation's other college radio stations (i.e.: no longer charting music from last summer).

Doing the job over the summer should be fairly easy. There won't be many staff members around making a lot of demands. However, when the fall semester begins, it'll become a little more complicated, because the specialty shows will start again. I'll do the best I can.

I finally did it, and now I know why everyone likes it so much. I saw American Beauty Tuesday night (I also saw half of Run Lola Run - I couldn't stay awake for all of it).

Yes, I did really like the movie. I like any movie with a lot of symbolism (red, anyone?). Not only that, but the plot was interesting - it doesn't just show itself to you, it unfolds, softly and seductively.

Just watch the movie if you haven't already, before I start doing a full review.

The word for today is departure. Goth #1 left this afternoon. The Tall Guy is leaving tomorrow afternoon for his hometown, then in two weeks for a city over 300 miles away.

There's a reason I don't like summer. Everything stops for the summer when you're a college student. Sure, I have WAIH, hopefully summer employment (although that doesn't look good right now) and I can keep in touch with my friends via email and the occasional phone call. It's just not the same though.

A phone call or an email does not allow for one to see a facial expression. It's far less interactive than hanging out. Options are limited, and conversation is constricted.

Then again, maybe I'm just a melodramatic dork. Even if I am, I'm going to miss my friends - all of them - during the summer; and of course, The Tall Guy, who won't be coming back to S.U.N.Y. Potsdam in the fall.

I go "home" Saturday morning.