Saturday, February 19, 2000

I think the time has come to confess my sins again, or at the very least tell people what I've been holding back. For a little while now, I've had a "crush" (I guess you could call it...) on Goth #2. Being as fearful of rejection as I am, I never told her about it, or even bothered trying to ask her out. Basically, I let life throw us each other's ways when it did and settled for what I could get.

This, of course, left a big blank space whenever I'd question myself if she liked me back. That blank space was filled in last night, and it was The Tall Guy who filled it in. Basically, knowing that I would never gather the courage to ask her myself, he slipped into a conversation with Goth #2 the idea that he thought I might like her. She replied that she already knew I did, but effectively wasn't interested in me that way. This is what The Tall Guy told me after we had both gotten back to our hall after being in separate places.

So, I digested the information, felt a little depressed but satisfied that I finally knew. I then retired to my dorm room and played "The Last Song I Will Ever Write About A Girl" by The Ataris over and over and over and over and over again. I also played "Another Brick In The Wall Part III" by Pink Floyd and "Ribbons" by The Sisters Of Mercy. I love my CD collection...I'd probably go insane without it.

Effectively, nothing ventured, nothing gained. So, I liked her. I never acted upon it though, and even if I did my efforts would have been fruitless. I've lost nothing either (you can't lose what you never had). Of course, I'd like to remain friends with her. That would most likely be a more beneficial relationship in the long run than anything else would anyway.

I still want her to see me play at Hurley's.