Sunday, February 6, 2000

My dreams have become disturbing again. In fact, not only disturbingly realistic, but disturbingly symbolic.

Last night I went to bed around half past midnight, or maybe it was 1:00AM, I can't remember exactly. After recording at Hurley's all day, I was tired and had slept in my clothes most of the evening. In fact, the only times I had been awake during the day were when I was in Hurley's, having dinner or updating The Project. It's a miracle I even banged out an entry yesterday - I can't even remember exactly when I typed it. Pardon me while I freak out.

It was my dreams that truly freaked me out. If it's not the hyper-reality of the experience, it's that people I know keep appearing as cast members in my dreams. They don't act any differently than they would if they were actually there either. Their actions reflect upon the situation. My dialogue with them is as if they are actually with me - as if we are both in the situation and it were natural. But I'm dreaming.

The first dream I had while sleeping in my clothes. It wasn't really all that symbolic (I don't think), but it bore the disturbing hyper-reality. When I woke up, I remembered that I needed to call someone on campus, but I was so shaken that I dialed my home phone number instead. That's a difference of eleven digits!

I heard my mother's voice, and dazed, I said, "You're not [person], are you?"

"Seth, are you all right?" she replied.

"Umm...yeah...I guess...I just must have...dialed the wrong number. Uh...goodnight." I hung up. I then had to go to the bathroom, so I walked out of my room. On my way there (20 feet at most), my hall mates who had been standing outside of my door said, "hi," to me, but seemed to say it in a way that implied I had grown a third eye.

I went back to sleep sometime after calling whom I intended to call. This time my inner psyche placed me in a one-story house in the middle of a large field with rolling hills, covered in red flowers. The sky was a bright electric blue - almost blinding in its brilliance. In fact, the whole outdoor scene appeared as if it were filmed in Technicolor. Some sort of animals - goat-like things were grazing upon the red flowers.

I walked to the back door, opened it a little and prepared to walk outside. One of the "goats" started to hop rabbit-like towards me and hissed at me, baring a set of sharp fangs. I closed the door and retreated back inside.

While the exterior was blinding in how bright and vivid it was, the interior of the house was fairly drab. There was a kitchen and a living room; both with the essentials, but colored in brownish beige, looking well lived in, but not totally appreciated.

I gazed out the window in the living room. In the distance, on one of the larger hills, there was a boulder on top. Mounted on the boulder was a large transmitting radio antenna (approximately 100 feet tall). In the lowest scaffolds of the antenna, also sitting on the boulder was a radio shack (no, not the store, but the building that holds the actual transmitter, exciter and other broadcast equipment). It was situated as if the antenna caged it.

I turned around to find one of my friends sitting on a couch. This person told me that one of my other friends was ready to talk to me now.

I went into the closet, where my other friend was waiting. I was asked, "is it alright now?" I replied, "yes," and my friend seemed relieved as we continued our conversation.

I have no idea what this dream may mean. I've racked my brain trying to connect images and people to each other, along with events and situations to no avail. Goat-rabbits with fangs, snarling at me? What the fuck is that? Caged building in an antenna? I don't feel caged by the new job I'm getting - I feel excited that I will be working for a radio station and getting paid. Drab houses in the middle of a Technicolor nowhere? Is somebody trying to tell me that for all its supposed glitz, life is ultimately empty and boring? What about the two friends and talking and everything all right? Where do they fit in?

My dreams were never so real when I was younger. Suddenly, I'm being transported to alternate worlds and realities.