Sunday, January 16, 2000

There are advantages and disadvantages to going to a college in the same village one has lived in for the past 12 years. The major disadvantage is that, although one is away from one's family, one is not really away at all. The advantage is that, one isn't away from one's house. It's a double-edged sword, a two-way street, and all sorts of other "good and bad" at the same time clichés.

The advantage is what I'll have to take in the near future, because I forgot a couple of items in the house. While they aren't "essential" in the short-term, I'll still need them eventually. I'm also pissed at myself, because I can't believe I forgot them. One is my financial aid renewal form for the fall of 2000. S.U.N.Y. Potsdam is a money pit for me that I've constantly complained about, and I forget my financial aid renewal form. The other items were my coffee filters and instant coffee. Sweet irony hits again, as the king of sleep deprivation forgets a couple of necessary coffee-making items. Am I losing my mind or what?

Suffice it to say I'm back in my dorm room after a long break. I can always walk to the house to get the items, which I'll do, in the next couple of days. As it stands right now I'm going to settle back into "dorm life."

Things haven't been feeling correct as of late. Usually, I'm excited about the beginning of a new semester - "hooray," I think to myself, "I'm escaping from my family once again into a world of independence!" This time, I'm feeling quite differently. It's almost as if I'm being moved from one cage to another. Instead of excitement, I feel a sense of impending doom. I'm almost certain that something really awful is on the brink of occurring and I don't know what it is. It scares the shit out of me.

I'm hoping that this is a feeling that I can just brush off and forget about. I want it to be completely wrong. Time will tell...fuck - I hate not knowing!